Mostly because I work FT.

This place needs more humor.

Let's make Primary more than secondary.

Colors?

I went to the store to buy some candleholders but they told me they didn't have any.

So I bought a cake.

I really like the screaming woman and white cat meme rebutals waaay too much.

I like escalators because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs

You will never see an escalator out of order sign.. just an escalator temporarily stairs

Sorry for the convenience

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fluffed up

Somebody asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I was like no. But I want a regular banana later, so yeah.

RIP Mitch

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.

I was at a casino, standing by the door, and a security guard came over and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking the fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I got a belt on that's holding up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up my belt. I don't know what's really happening down there. Who is the real hero?

I saw a commercial on late-night TV that said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers!" So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, but I didn't know what the hell they were.

I hate sandwiches at New York delis, there's too much fluffing meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "What would you like sir?" "A pastrami sandwich." "Anything else?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people."

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

10/10 quality fluffpost

Agreed

A waste of time but pleasant read.

I put tartar sauce on both sides of my fish sandwiches so I can eat retartared fish.

I'm gonna get a full-body tattoo of myself, only taller.

...that feeling you get when you lean back in a chair, almost tip over, but catch yourself. I feel like this all the time.

I was gonna put a sky-light in but the neighbors upstairs wouldn't allow it.

If you see the same UFO twice, can you not now identify it?

Sometimes I jack off in the shower...

Sometimes I pee in the shower

Welcome to the swamp!

Loving the Mitch quotes. If you get them perfect, you looked them up.

I do that every time, no athletes foot for me!



Who's that?

Mitch hedburg. You’ll laugh your face off

Go on, eat your cornbread.

Primary sets seem to take soooooooo looooooooong.

How long are they?

Your be deleted before it’s over Mac Daddy

You really need some grammar and spelling in your life, my head hurts when I read your posts...😣

You're going to make Marshal jealous the more you spend your infatuations on me.

He’s not wrong, though.

My head hurts, I just took some ibuprofen.

Understandable..

Your be getting rid of that headache better with Aleve ;-P

Primary takes long so you can savor the disappointment.

Me thinks him right

Only 6 more days till the new year.